So far it hasn’t been that bad. It’s only the second day, but still. Baby steps, right? It’s alot quieter around the house, and alot cleaner. I miss them so much!! But seeing their excitement makes everything worth it.

This is OUR opportunity of a lifetime. Me for, to share all the grace and love and patience and mercy God has given to me with you. It is my responsibility to pass forward the great news of God’s saving grace. It’s your opportunity to experience it. To be forgiven, saved, and never abandoned.

I’m not trying to be preachy, or throw Bible verses to you. I just want to share with everyone who reads this, and even if it’s one person, that God is magnificent. God is capable of everything we can’t even imagine. He has taken my messy complicated self, and walked me through so much. He wants to take all of our messy complicated selves, and make us whole again. I can’t explain it, I can barely describe it. But God loves you, and wants to know you. Be under a rock, or on top of mountain, God wants to talk to you at any level.

Lord, use me to spread Your name.

As I pray, and wait upon you Lord.

I know your grace, In love I am restored.

As I think of all You’ve done for me

The mystery of Your love.

Who walked upon the sea?

Who lived to die for me?

You, Lord….You are Lord

As I look upon You, I am changed.

And though I fail,

Your faithful love remains

As I sing and worship You,

I find again no words describe Your love.

Who walked upon the sea?

Whose love has covered me?

You, Lord….You are Lord.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

There is none like You.

-I made coffee yesterday for the first time in weeks. Way too hot out. But because of it, I couldn’t sleep at all last night.

-When I finally did fall asleep, I dreamt about crashing my car into other cars in the rain, in the parking lot of the church I grew up in, while a bonfire was going with people watching. Weird? Yes. A psychologist would have a field day with the kind of dreams I have.

-I made sausage and peppers in the slow cooker for dinner tonight.

-When Steve and Barry’s went out of business a few years back, I went and bought around 500 wooden hangers for $50. Best purchase ever.

-I went to little Keira’s birthday party today. She has the cutest smile in the world!!

-My dad came over for his birthday on Wednesday. We took naps to celebrate. Seriously.

-TV marathons always always get me. I can lose a day to watching something I didn’t even know existed before the marathon came on. I get completely sucked into it.

- I despise the color yellow. Yuck.

-I organized my basement today. I moved the huge piles of boxes into shelves, and set up a work out area, desk area, storage area, and CrazyBooth area. Which means, I will be setting up the CrazyBooth in my basement soon!!

-People love the weekends. Me? Not so much. They are most random and unplanned. I like to plan things.

-I think Twitter is dumb. (insert “you’re dumb” response here)

-I’m bringing back Tye Dye. Yeah, I said it. My kids love making it, and um….so do I.

-Why is it that the days when my kids CAN sleep in, they get up the earliest? And when they need to get up early, they want to sleep all morning? Something is really wrong with this!!!

-While organizing my basement today, I found 6 boxes of clothes that have yet to be unpacked. 6 BOXES!!! Where they will go I have NO idea. BUT….hey Paige, I found your white skirt!! : )

-Speaking of Paige, I am not good at long distance relationships. And my best friend has been on the other side of the country for way too long. I am glad she is coming home soon. Also, my brother lives too far away. I just need to see his face.

-I need to change the oil in my car. Random? Yep.

- I took pictures of cows one day a while back. And I believe THAT will top off these super random thoughts on a Saturday post quite nicely.

I shamelessly follow the footsteps placed before me.

It seems as though my eyes are blind,

and so un in tune with my heart.

Threatening the old to melt away into nothing,

as I follow whatever journey comes next.

I come across endless traps of straight paths,

yet, I only seem to be able to go sideways.

Differences mend wounds, but new scars are formed.

There are some scars that can never disappear.

How much more time is going to be consumed with these memories?

Memories of pain, hurt, and sorrow.

Who predicts what love is and where it goes?

Why are there so many tangible forms of love and hate,

yet the inner soul is the thing built or damaged?

It’s a feeling so strong and powerful,

twisted with confusion and worry.

The thing I dread the most

dangles in front of my face, showing me life and death.

The realization of the enemy of myself equals pain.

My mind seems to speak for itself,

yet no words seem to ever be heard.

6.6.99

-Unpack the basement. Get everything organized and put into their correct spots. This is a huge task in itself, but I bet I will do it.

-Photo shoot with the gorgeous Jenny Shifler. I cannot WAIT for this!

-Shoot in United, and branch over to Celebration as well. I steer towards shooting in United because I am in love with the lights. They make for great pictures, and the staging along with them, makes for great pictures. But this month, I am going to shoot in Celebration and see how that goes. They don’t have the lightshow that United does, but they have the JumboTron which is pretty sweet.

-Exercise on my new elliptical 3-4 times per week. Wow, this thing is amazing!! It will be my new best friend and my worst enemy.

-Go to CHICAGO! YEAH!!! My brother moved out there in January, and I miss him terribly. I need to see his face desperately, so I am going to make a trip out. Also, my birth mother lives out there, so I am going to catch up with her and the rest of my family. I am looking forward to it SOO much!!!

-Go on a date with my star sister Sara!! Geeze, it’s been way too long!!!

-Spray the patio with weed killer. Yeah, small task, but I keep putting it off. After this is complete, then put together our new fire pit!! Yay!

Ok, 7 goals this month. After slacking last month, this is a good start to getting back into it. Wish me luck!!  

Happy July!

I love her even though she splashes dead fish water in my mouth, sends random pictures of people to us on Facebook, can never ever find her keys, even though they’re usually always in the same spot.  I love the way she loves my kids, and the way my kids love her. I love the way that my dad and her are still so completely in love after 30 years. I love the way that she is open minded and supportive. I love laughing with her. I love the way even after all this time, she still knows how to be a silly and have fun!

My mom deserves the world on a silver platter. She is one of the most gracious people I have ever met, and you don’t have to earn it. Her heart is just overflowing with love for people, and I am lucky to experience that more than most. Happy Birthday Mom.

I made it back down to United this week, as promised. My hubby was preaching, and I am so proud of him. He did a fantastic job talking about worship, staying engaged, and bringing challenge. They ended the sermon with the song “With Everything”. That song is beautiful with a great heart stabbing challenge. The team did a great job with it, as well with the other response worship songs after the sermon. I like that structure alot, hearing the message and being able to respond in song. Anyways, it was another good week in United. Here’s what I shot this week.

1. I shot two weddings last month. Yeah. It’s a whole new game. I didn’t sleep both nights before the day, which made my stress level even more intense. My first was for Amy Jo and Mark.  I learned alot from this wedding, and feel bad that I am still in the learning process. But like I said, I learned alot, but mostly learned what NOT to do, learned from my mistakes, learned to always always always have a CF card in your pocket and not in the back of the sanctuary so you have to run towards the back during the major moment of the day! Ouch! The other wedding was for Andrea and Adam. I feel like I took alot of what I learned from Amy Jo and Mark’s wedding and brought it to the table for Andrea and Adam. The fact that they got married at my church where I was very comfortable shooting in didn’t hurt my game either. Andrea is freakin’ gorgeous and every single picture I took of her was fantastic. Pam was there with me too, which was also comforting, and we brought along the CrazyBooth which was REALLY fun! We took over 1500 pictures of this wedding, so I am waist deep in editing. I hope to get it done ahead of schedule and be able to deliver her pics to her early.

2. I moved. I lived in WV, and had it up to *here* being so far away from everyone and everything I am involved in. So Aaron, the kiddies, and I decided to leave Wild and Wonderful West Virginia and move to the Keystone State. I grew up for the majority of my life in PA, so it was kinda like coming home. Cheesy? Yeah probably, but it’s really nice to be so close to everyone I love now. We found a super cute little Cape Cod in a neighborhood by a WHOLE BUNCH of great people I am excited to call my neighbors! Ok, so moving isn’t that big of a deal? I mean yeah, packing, moving, cleaning, painting, unpacking, settling.. Well I had the brillant idea to do it all in a week. Uh, yeah. WHY? Because I wanted to move and just get it over with. It was a great decision, but man, it was a LONG week. I am so blessed to have so many great friends in my life help me be closer to them. Everyone came around and helped us so much, by painting with me, packing with me, moving all my crap, babysitting, giving me A/C units, making me food, everything. I am truly blessed.

3. I’ve started writing again. I used to write ALOT. Like alot alot. I used to journal, write stories, poems, letters, all kinds of crap. It didn’t matter, I would just write. I remember countless sleepless nights where I would just have my pen and paper and literally write all night. So much so that I would turn my alarm off for the next morning and never have gone to sleep. I’ve been in a very reflective state lately, and probably sharing a little too much with the public, I have difficulties expressing myself in a clear and defined way in a speaking way. Writing helps me alot, because I can get everything out, and I mean everything, and then know everything I am actually thinking in a tangible way, and am able to own my thoughts and feelings with more clarity.  Instead of putting it all on another person, I can put it all on paper, without being judged or written off, and leaving the process not feeling like I’ve only pushed someone away, or shared too much. I’ve tried talking to a few people, and with some it’s been super beneficial, but with some, I just leave feeling like an idiot, because I can’t express myself in the way I want to. So I decided to write first, then when it’s time to talk to others, I already know what I’m trying to say. Wow, that sounds weak to me. But I’m just being honest, and I want to get more into that. And if writing things out first helps me, which it does, then I want to continue doing that.

4. We all make mistakes, right? Well I’ve made my share as well. And it just so happens, I’ve made alot in the past month. I’ve hurt alot of people I care about, torn down alot of people I care about, done stupid stuff because I wasn’t thinking properly. I have alot of regrets, but mistakes don’t mean anything if you don’t regret them. And I can say definetely that I’ve made mistakes I regret. I am in the process of building whatever is left of what I have destroyed. I point fingers at only myself, and I know there’s a long path in front of me, but I don’t want to be defeated anymore. My past mistakes do not define me. What I do with my mistakes and how I handle them is more so what defines me. That is character, and I am a character, no doubt. And in that character, made mistakes, and am doing my time. But when you’re down and beaten, feeling low and alone, what you do with those feelings is what really defines your character. I am going from there.

Ok, so there’s a few things that are going on in my life right now. Feel more connected, feel free to comment, let me know your thoughts, even bring it and challenge me!! I want to be more on the page, and I need people to bring me reality sometimes, so don’t be afraid, I want the challenge. I want the input. I want to know your thoughts!!!

Wrapping up this post, just remembered, one of my goals of this year is to not post without a picture. Dang, what kind of picture am I supposed to post with this sort of post?  Hope this works.